Poems | Julian Quijano

UNFEIGNED

Sometimes when

the morning breeze
caresses my skin
while the birds above
joyously sing
and I find
the smile
from a Stranger
beams true,
Life finds meaning.

A SONG

Oh darling,
All keys have lost their tune
What used to bring joy in full
became the sorrowed tool for dissonant waves

Abandoned by its owner,
a once virtuous Piano has been left to face the moon
reverberating saddened melodies

Upstanding to no one,
Who will play those ghostly pedals?

Recovering the memory of each string
will keep it aching forever
For no one will appreciate the plight
to dance outside harmony’s rule

OTHER

What is there to know?

Are we the same?

I am the other

Other than me

Other than you

All of it true

Other than I
can’t seem to die

You think I’m other

Can you not see
what we construe
to share some blame?

our Otherness is supplemental

Others like them
Others like us
All become brothers

IDIOMS

Are passion and pleasure interchangeable?

What better sex than language when orgasms can be reached through speech

Our love has always been constructed through dialogue

Other vernacular have more than one way of saying I love you

Nonverbal, that is

In any case, I gift you some food for thought

Passion and pleasure are related if you count every time we’ve danced standing still. When the lyrics seemed sad, yet fully upbeat.

TIME SUSPENSION

Of time suspension,

I only take what’s been given to me.

Accepting fate as fact is as childish as mistaking stars for magic.

Of time suspension,

Fleeting thoughts are better.

Yet we hesitate to trust with pure naïvety.

Of time suspension,

I predict the end of pleasure in ecstasy.

Eyes pierce the skin and life feels less tragic.

Of time suspension,

You might believe me clever

I’ve mastered the art form

Your lips upon mine made our time last forever

SWIMMING

Sometimes I feel like I am drowning.
Inebriated in desire.

Touch is essential
Lust is the crime
Sweat has potential

And I cross that line

Perhaps the waters that I steer will fill my lungs with tender poison.

The rains, prudential
Entice this rhyme
Your love, torrential

Will swill away my time.

EPIDERMIS

Lifeless essence,
How much hatred in
a body can be found

quantified in avarice.

 Inflicted anatomy’s deceived
higher ground

Our believed purpose

To exist, To strive, To persist
To survive

But we fix (or transgress?)
the natural form
in pursuit of approval

Why alter design?

For as long as the soul has desire, we must will it fruition and allow the world devour false lore

Lifeless essence,
Puritans lie!
Let desire give its cry
and grant permission to imperfection

CONFESSIONS

I think I’ve felt happiness before

Or the instant thrill of joy or whatever

Journeys are measured with songs

My father only hit me once

Identifying change changed my identity

I’ve danced in the rain with mud on my shoulders

My sex terrifies me

Undeserving, I am.

A stranger’s smile becomes my currency

INFINITE

Give me a number 1

Any number 2

That’s how many times I’ll die for you 3

Does that make you change your mind? 4

I dare you 5

Make it higher 6

I’ll keep raising the stakes 7

And lift us to infinity 8

BUTTERFLY STROKE

I’m often alone in the streets of this city

London (Berlin ?)

Pavements are crowded and never stop labouring and I find depredation lingers far longer under the Summer sun.

You’d think it’d be rain, but water serves as a natural cleanser for the reek of the shallow meandering their false pretences.

By a fluke I swim against the Autumn tide.

Freestyle, Front Crawl, Backstroke, Breaststroke, Butterfly, and Sidestroke.

In my hopes for connection I start singing in Winter. The dance that follows reminds me how dreams, without fail, seem bigger somewhere else.
Berlin (London ?)

Isolation loses strength and loneliness’ embrace has less grating noise if I justify dreams enough.

Perhaps one day I’ll follow the Spring current.

Freestyle, Front Crawl, Backstroke, Breaststroke, Butterfly, and Sidestroke.

I'll embrace my loneliness. Finally call it home.

FORGOTTEN FRIENDSHIPS

I lost a friend

to greed
though inseparable
we once were,
foundations collapsed.

we let go our seed

Time forgot
the planted roots
that kept our
trust organic.

On occasion I
tried to water
our soil
Now void of nutrients.

Dead like dirt.

But dirt has proven
if fertilised correctly,

Against all odds,
can find life

once more.

NOISE

It's loud in here

just how I like it.

The haze machine makes breathing unbearable.

Neon lights choke me.

Heavy perspiration. Smells of intoxication and desire. Excuses well prepared for the morning.

Cure be the dance! My orgasm on your typewriter.

Yet you won’t text again.

WAITING

You’ll get here soon…

Or I’ll leave the door open

The football started way before our minds made up

I don’t drink beer either… Alcohol reminds me of confessions long overdue.

Secretly, I hope you notice the blood on my shirt. It stained beautifully.

You’ll get here soon. And I’ll continue sleeping

KNOCK, KNOCK

May I kiss you?

Or is the magic over

Tears seem lighter now than the first day of Spring.

Simple tears and happy sorrows.

You can’t feel lonely when you’re alone

I won’t knock on your chest anymore.

BETWEEN THE LINES

I close my eyes and breathe in slowly.
The room is cold, but I am protected by his warmth.
His proximity. A hold
so powerful, the body forgets to shiver.
No threat is detected.

Is this what safety feels like? Two bodies in an embrace.

The softness of his breath covers me in a comfort I’m not accustomed to, and my skin gladly surrenders to the air he exhales poured onto my body like a gift from the heavens.

I offer a gentle moan in return. …For his kindness.

A connection is made and trust instantly unbreakable.

I can almost savour his desire. The taste of sweetness. A glimpse of paradise.

I dare not open my eyes yet, for sight is selfish and neglects all other senses.
Instead, I photograph his body with my touch.

Caress his soul with my finger tips.

His beauty is found, not only in his physique, but in his compassion. His thirst to grant others shelter.

I become his prey.
Or perhaps we are both the predator ? Either way, we’ve succumbed to desire.

Consent to love.
But love is not strong enough a word to describe what we’ve created.

For only in unspoken phrases are promises truly kept.

ONLY SOMETIMES

Can I love you harder? Is it possible to feel more than this?

If you grab me tighter will I begin to exist?

Torture me fully.

Torture me truly

I will scream your name in silence.
Every minute of every day.

SWEET SORROWED MAN

Sweet sorrowed man,
Will birds forget your song?
It seems so long ago
you felt their
tender love so strong

Sweet sorrowed man,
Do tell, where are you going?
For many years you've
held back tears
though never truly knowing

why, sweet Sorrowed Man,
Ease up on all that tension.

The tricks you played for
kicks were hopes of
finding true redemption

Sweet sorrowed man,
At last you’ve come to die.
With nothing left to
fear and justly left with
wings to fly.

My sweet Sorrowed Man,
Please know
I’ll miss you dearly
Let go of your forbearance
Soar on high and
sing out queerly

4AM

As I write this I feel drunk.

Under the influence of

I am drunk

The night has been long and exhilarating

I have two choices: to fall asleep or keep record of my mental state.

I am aware this won’t be any good. But it is honest.

It bares truth

Because for a second, I am confident. I feel joy

No shame overpowers me

now

I succeed. I'm avoiding my depression

As I write this I feel drunk.

But I am happy.
Under the influence of

I don’t need to wake up

SONG LYRICS

There’s a map of your body

Engraved in the palm of my hand

I can trace every detail

And carved in my memory

A chart of your eyes

To marvel in their glory

Your words captivate me

Unraveling a path to your mind

That limitless labyrinth

I think of us together

In spite of it all

Holding on forever

We created a language

That nobody else understands

Formed of tender emotions

And from the beginning

I couldn’t help but give you my heart

it’s yours for safekeeping

The two of us together

In spite of it all

Growing old together

The two of us together

In spite of it all

Holding on forever

PACIFIC

Nothing to confess

It was great and it wasn’t

Simply bearable

LAST TEXT

I’m really sorry if I made you hurt. I see now how it could have confused you, but that was never my intention. You must know that. I would never ever intentionally hurt you. I am simply trying to make friends as I live on the road.

LETTING GO

I did it!
I succeeded in
 intercourse 
without judging  
performance 

Ample of time
to  know my
 companion  
was all it took

Who knew?  

Inhibition
I bid you farewell!

Or
 realistically
Until next time

HOPE

Soft
conversations.
agonisingly
painless
Necessarily so

Tender
affirmations

aggravatingly healing,

allowing me to grow

TRUST

Trust me with the sadness

Moaning is allowed

Feel me with your madness

And rest over my mouth

Breath in once
Breath in twice

Fuck me without kindness

Cover me in your cloud
Take me to the vastness

My sweetheart, love me loud